Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
