Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
A bitchslap is in order.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
