you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
