he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
