Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
