She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Holy sore nipples Batman
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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