So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
