and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
