Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
