Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
