So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
