She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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