White coat. Heels.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
