So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
