i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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