Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
