Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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