Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize