i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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