You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
