Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Randomize