How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize