If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
