when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
