why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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