What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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