As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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