tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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