I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
