FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He better not be in your backpack
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
me + whiskey = a bad person
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
