dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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