Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
