he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
