I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
