she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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