dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
