someone threw a dead crab at me
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
