I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
