Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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