I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
