She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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