I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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