just tell him i said nine months
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We need to rekindle our bromance
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
