I am full of burrito and curiosity
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
