youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
