i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Randomize
