I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Your cock deserves a montage
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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