I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
