Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
