forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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