Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
