I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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