Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Sext me about skeletons
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
