Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
