I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize