he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
we're making bets on your personal life
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
