I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
there is glitter all over my balls
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