he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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