tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
