I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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