i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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