Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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