you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
