are you still at the devil's house?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
