So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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