i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
