I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize