dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
